Drunk Kaito Still Pulls Off His Heist
by vonivonivonikay
Summary: It's a fic about Kaito Kid being totally wasted and still kicking the police's butt somehow. Enjoy…? (Re-uploaded from tumblr) [KaiShin Fluff]


It's a fic about Kaito Kid being totally wasted and still kicking the police's ass somehow. Enjoy…?

* * *

'So…first thing's first…gotta get past the security at the entrance…'

The black haired teen hunches over the pocket book, elbows spread out ungraciously on the bench, face the picture of phony concentration, twirling the pencil between his fingers.

"Ugh… need a drink." he mutters under his breath, glances up at the bar's selection of drinks just above the bench. He could get a water for a meagre fee, but god, where was the fun in that? In a bar in disguise and he was going to order water? A mischievous smirk spreads across the teenager-turned-middle-aged-business-man's face, hiding it with his palm as he scanned the bar's selection. Toblerone cocktails? Kaito purses his lips slightly, it sounds too interesting to pass up, so he waves the bartender over and orders one with a smile that's a little too big, heart racing with excitement at his complete dismissal of the law.

A couple minutes later, the bartender slides him the drink and Kaito thanks the stars he has so much extra cash on him, he can have a good few hours of fun with this much cash. Sipping at the drink curiously, he finds it tastes sweet, not as sweet as he expected, but pleasant enough. On the second sip, he decides it's a good deal more than pleasant, more along the lines of godly. Within twenty minutes, he's downed the entire glass, licked his lips and ordered another, it couldn't hurt right? The heist wasn't until 2am, it was barely close to midnight. A pleasant buzzing in the back of his skull follows the second drink, it's odd and Kaito rubs the back of his head as if that could dislodge the feeling. Common sense told him to stop, that the odd numbing feeling couldn't be good and meant that he was probably going to wake up with the worst kind of headache. But the pleasant buzz won out on the logical part of his brain that was quickly further being covered up by his buzz, so he tells himself 'just a few more', nods and scans the menu again.  
"Daiquiri…sounds cool."

The revered phantom thief stumbles out of the bar at what he thinks is around two, but is more along the lines of two thirty, giggling as he squints at the watch on his wrist.  
"Doesn't even matter….straight shot to the museum!" he sings out loud, twirls a little clumsily on one heel.  
"Time to make some magic~" he throws his head back and laughs, completely overlooking the few sober people on the streets were staring at him as if he were insane. His route decided, Kaito turns and run-stumbles down the street, needing some place to change into the designated police uniform for tonight. Around the string of bars it's not particularly difficult to find a convenient bathroom so Kaito slips inside. Emerging from the nearby public bathroom with hat and tie askew, the thief giggles to himself, claps his hands and begins to stroll in the most unnatural way possible down to the museum.

The odd nuance of his walk, the fact he was grinning widely, swinging his arms and humming under his breath practically assured he would be stopped at the entrance by Nakamori shouting in his face.  
"What the hell are you smiling about! Kid's already late; you can't just let your guard down so easily!" Kaito tilts his head like a puppy, looking a little confused.  
"Late? Ridiculous, Kaito Kid would never be late." his tone is so confident and self-assured that the police inspector looks confused, opens his mouth to retort angrily.  
"Is your head on right!? It's almost an hour past the deadline!" Kaito comprehends this much, he almost curses under his breath.  
"Oh. Oh. Oh. Of course. Ah." He adds an extra grunt for emphasis.  
"Then I'll go join my… ranks, sir." he salutes clumsily, that half grin still plastered over his face somehow gets him through with a roll of the eyes and a muttered curse from the inspector.

Kaito lets out a breath once he's in, looking around, up and down the hallway. Shit, why was he here again? Ah right. Gems. So many beautiful gems. Or maybe just one. He'd look for the prettiest one. Motive decided, he slips into the ranks thickly surrounding a glass case. Side eyeing the jewel contained within, he whistles a little. Necklace. Kinda boring but whatever. Now he just had to press the button in the pocket of his pants-oh. Why was he falling sideways? His 'co-workers' gasp when the officer's head hits the glass case and he half stands there, looking completely lost and flabbergasted. Fussing and shaking their heads, the two officers immediately to his left and right tug him up and off the glass case, demanding 'what was his problem', and he 'had to take this seriously'. Kaito, shamefaced and blushing a little (for effect, the teen told himself, not because he was intoxicated or anything) rubbed the back of his head, told them he'd go freshen up and turns.  
"Hey!" an officer suddenly shouts, jabs a finger at the golden chain hanging from Kaito's back pocket.  
"He's stolen The Important Necklace ™!" The thief curses, begins to run down the hallway as he's pursued, looking desperately for a window that might lead outside. He skids around a corner, officers shouting, punctuated by Nakamori in the background, seemingly already having joined the chase. Shit, so here he was, stuck stumbling away from a gaggle of police officers and all this running was starting to make him feel sick. Spotting a window to his left, with no time to check its legitimacy and losing his breath, he makes a break for it. It hurts like nothing else when he hits the window at full throttle, but thank god it breaks, even though some glass shards scratch at his clothes, a couple blood droplets fly in his peripherals but he has no time to think about that because he's falling, scrambling desperately for the activation of his hang-glider. He's only on the second story, fuck the ground's coming up fast - there it is. The hang-glider sprouts upwards, carries him on wind currents into the air as he distantly hears Nakamori leaning out the window, screeching in defeat and demanding the police get their asses outside before he escapes. Laughing loudly and drunkenly to himself, believing himself to be home free at this point. As if they could get to him in time!

Eh? The scenery looked the same, it wouldn't change, and he'd been flying for five minutes. Kaito furrows his brow, confused as to why he could still see the museum, so he takes a sharp right, trying to escape the sight, anxious to get to safety. His head and stomach felt funny, he was really looking forward to getting home, wrapping himself up in a cove of blankets and not coming out for a long while.  
On the ground, Nakamori and his subordinates are staring at the sky above them in confusion at one phantom thief Kaito Kid, flying around in circles.  
"Sir… should we… do something?" one of his subordinates ventures after a long while of silence, but Nakamori hushes them violently.  
"No…. no, can't you see he's… trying to send us a message." pressing his thumb and forefinger to his chin, the police inspector grumbles, then turns to his men.  
"Does anyone know Morse code?" An incredulous silence follows the man's statement, until someone in the back decides to speak up.  
"Sir, I think… he's drunk."  
Nakamori laughs loudly, shaking his head.  
"That's only what he wants you to think, rookie! He's sending a message, I know it! All these years chasing Kaito Kid wasn't for nothing!" His band of rather rag tag police officers look at each other in a rather sceptical fashion until Nakamori, with eyes still on Kaito Kid, yells.  
"He's going down! Not far from here! Let's move!" With gleeful shouts at the fact they were finally on the move again, the police run towards the location, not far from the museum where Kaito's hang glider had gone down.

Unable to figure out the incredibly difficult turning method of a hang-glider, Kaito had let himself drift into a small section of trees nearby the museum. Giddy with his still essentially a victory, he leans heavily on a tree, hang-glider weighing him down. Christ, he needed to get home though, his vision is starting to play tricks on him, trees are multiplying and merging together, Kaito grits his teeth and rubs at his eyes.  
"Keep it together…just a little longer…" he mutters to himself, beginning to stumble through the small copse of trees.

* * *

Being up in the god early hours of the morning was always a mistake and nothing proved that to the little detective more than that particular morning, when the phone in the office rang while he half dozed on the couch. Blinking awake at the tone, knowing both Kogoro and Ran were fast asleep, he dashes up onto the private detective's chair and reaches over to answer the phone from there, much too curious about who would call at such an hour to let it ring out. Before he can even offer a hello, a giggling voice can be heard on the other line.  
"Heh… hehe…. Shinichi…. I… totally got it." Rolling his eyes, he knows the voice straight off, there's no attempt to disguise it whatsoever.  
"… Got what?" He answers vaguely instead, because just in case, it would be better not to affirm verbally that he was indeed Shinichi.  
"The…." there's a cough, a hiccup on the other end of the line.  
"The… necklace. Yeah. They called it that. I got it." Leaning over the desk, he mutters out the question as if it wasn't obvious.  
"Kaito Kid?"  
"Yeah! Yeah… you got it! It's me!" A wry laugh from the other line is the only response his confession is rewarded with.  
"I… needya help. For something. I needya to pick me up." The detective slams his hand on the desk, incredulous.  
"Pick you u-, I'm not a taxi service! Much less for people like you!" Far from being as confused as he should be, there's only aggression in the child's voice.  
"No… yeah no. Usually I wouldn't…"  
"So why!?"  
Kaito hisses audibly on the other end.  
"Jeez not so loud…it's cause I sorta… I can't feel my… hm… feet… legs? I can't… really feel much right now, you know? Everything kinda hurts…" If anything set off any red flags in Shinichi's mind, that sort of talk was one.  
"What the hell? Where are you - what are you doing?" he finds himself talking quickly, almost anxiously. Kaito laughs weakly.  
"Eh… dunno. Near… near that museum. Where the necklace was… ah… world's… fadin' out again…" Fading? God, that couldn't be good.  
"The one with the necklace you stole. Got it." It'd been all over the news due to his notice anyway, Shinichi didn't really need clues beyond that.  
"Haha… good on ya, little detective… don't be too long, all right? I… dunno how much longer I'll be around." Shinichi slams the phone down, in much more of a panic now. Was Kaito Kid injured? Ah, shit it didn't matter now he had to go see for himself. Jumping down from the chair, he opens and closes the door to the detective agency carefully, not desiring to be caught sneaking out at such an hour.

"Ah… head hurts…" Kaito groans sullenly, sliding down the tree trunk to sit down and get his bearings. He'd made the call to Shinichi once his vision and mobility had started pitching left and right, sending him banging his shoulder against several trees, until he was forced to stumble behind one and retch out the meagre contents of his stomach. Wiping his mouth and grumbling, he'd picked up the cell from his pocket and made the call, which brought him to this point, slumped pathetically against a tree, half shivering, half sweating his ass off, waiting for a little boy to show up.  
"Gah…" he stares at his hand, morphing and un morphing in front of his sight, it makes him feel like throwing up again. He is immediately distracted by a shout, two figures running towards him. Kaito squints, groaning softly as he tried to figure out the identity. Was probably the cops. Great, he was going down in history as finally being caught because he botched a heist while wasted.  
"Kaito Kid!" The smaller figure was shaking him, he glances up blearily, noting that now everything's turned to shadows.  
"I… ah…" he shudders, not liking this new development, it's making him anxious, before slurring out his response.  
"S'at you… Shinichi?" He can barely pronounce the name, and he giggles as the other hand touches his shoulder.  
"He's just drunk. Help me get him get him back to the car." That voice, the one who was now hoisting him onto his shoulders sounded older, much older. A grandpa? Kaito frowns, confused and unable to keep his cheek from resting on the shoulder of the person who had chosen to give him a piggy back ride. Shinichi's voice was more familiar to him, grumbling away somewhere to his left.  
"I can't believe he would be so irresponsible. It doesn't make sense…" This continues as he's slid into the car, lying across the back seat. Reflexively, the thief curls in on himself, hugging his middle, the detective jumps into the front with the other mysterious man.  
"Heyyy…. heyy…." Kaito whines in the backseat as the car starts, a little more awake now.  
"Where 'xactly you gonna take me?" Shinichi rolls his eyes, replying with a loud indifference.  
"Somewhere you can sleep off…whatever you've had." Kaito giggles, kicks his feet softly against the car door.  
"Dunno. Can't really remember. It was so long ago… y'know?" he laughs uproariously, closes his eyes and puts his head back on the seat.  
"Ugh…for real though, Shinichi, is it far? I think I'm gonna hurl again." The man driving hisses.  
"Not in this car you won't!" Kaito laughs meekly.  
"…M-might wanna step on it then." With his words, the car's engine revs and their speedo jumps at least 20kph in a matter of seconds.

By the time they reach Shinichi's mansion, Kaito is groaning softly in the back seat, curled up tightly, moaning about how his stomach hurt, that he regretted even being born, the detective didn't really care, silently leaping out of the car and yanking the door closest to Kaito's head open. The teen raises his head a little, looking pale and tired.  
"…Gh-no." he waves off the smaller boy when he reaches out his hand.  
"No. I got it." he drags himself up with all the majesty of a wounded elephant, nearly falling out of the car, but saving himself and standing upright, huffing as he brushes off his suit.  
"See… no probl-" he teeters again, putting a hand to his mouth.  
"D-darn… I don't feel so good…" Shinichi rolls his eyes, turning to the other man getting out of the car.  
"Professor Agasa… get a bucket."

Amazingly enough, between the two of them they manage to herd Kaito upstairs and into a guest bed, where he lay prattling on about how well the heist had went, with Shinichi only half listening, absorbed with examining the treasure he'd pinched from Kaito's back pocket while ushering him up the stairs. Of course, the thief notices fairly quickly that he's been had, even when intoxicated.  
"H-hey! Hey, Shinichi! You better not be after my haul! Unless…" he seems to have a sudden idea, his face lighting up, fingers clutching tightly at the sheets.  
"We're like a duo now!" The boy flinches reflectively, adopting a look of disgust.  
"No we're not." The other chooses conveniently not to listen, jabbering on this ridiculous train of thought.  
"We can be like team… Kaishin! Or… team Shinto!" A huge, shit eating grin suddenly appears on his face, he catches the detective's eye pointedly.  
"Oh! I know… I know…! Team Shitto!" He snorts to himself, falling into a giggling fit, Shinichi crossing his arms and muttering.  
"We're not a duo and we're not calling ourselves that." Kaito pouts, sticking his lip out dramatically.  
"Hm… shame. I thought it was pretty good." He rolls carefully onto the side facing the other, leaving Shinichi to roll his eyes and mutter.  
"Why did you even get so drunk anyway…?" He can't help asking questions, it's just in his nature and as off his face as he was, the phantom thief was inclined to answer.  
"Eh…got boooored." he drawls, voice muffled by pushing his face into the pillow.  
"Had a couple hours ta kill…"  
"So you…got drunk." came the incredulous response. The figure in bed shrugs slightly.  
"I was hidin' out in a bar, lil' detective. Made sense."  
"Heh." Shinichi smirks openly at the thief's stupidity, which sets him off immediately.  
"What the hell's up with that laugh? Ya makin' fun of me?!" Shinichi opens his mouth to interject that of course he was, who in the world wouldn't, when he notices, much to his bewilderment that there are tears in the teen's eyes.  
"Wha-"  
"It's pretty hard, okay?" Kaito sniffs, wipes his nose ungraciously on his sleeve, tears spilling onto his cheeks.  
"I go through a lot… lot to keep this family together, don't you know!? And now you're just gonna…. g-gonna pretend like it never meant anything to you? Huh?" He waves his arms weakly, face sinking further into the pillow as Shinichi fumbles for any sort of answer.  
"…I don't know what you're talking about - you're drunk. Go to sleep or something." he replies awkwardly, making a motion as if he were shooing off a cat. Kaito makes a whining noise, shifting his position to be propped up on his elbow, tears still flowing.  
"How can you be so cold?" he sniffles, shaking his head a little more dramatically than was called for, immediately wincing and pressing his hand to his forehead.  
"Ow…" hissing under his breath, he still gazes at Shinichi with one teary eye.  
"There is one thing you could do for lil' ol' me." He murmurs suddenly.  
"…Wasn't I the little one a second ag-"  
"Pllllease? I promise I'll stop crying!" Kaito stares at him, wide eyed like an eager puppy. The idea of not having a criminal at least twice his current height soaking his tears into his rich parent's hoity-toity pillow slip was an enticing one and so he bites, albeit cautiously.  
"…What is it?" Kaito removes his hand from his head.  
"You could… pet me." Mind gone black, the two stare at each other silently for almost a minute straight.  
"Pet you." the boy's voice is flat, unamused.  
"That - no. That is - I am not your mother!" he snaps, blushing and flustered. Kaito leans forward slightly.  
"C'mon, it's just a little ruffle. Just muss my hair a bit. What's wrong with that?" Shinichi leaps from the chair, eyes wide.  
"A… lot of things! For one, why in the world do you want me of all people to do… that?" he stares hard, trying to be intimidating, but there was only so much you could do with the physical appearance of a six year old. Kaito giggles, his eyes are starting to droop a little.  
"Please? I'm asking nicely~ You won't even hear a peep out of me in the morning if you do, promise!" he winks, shifting a little closer to the edge of the bed.  
"That doesn't explain anything…" Shinichi grumbles, stomps up to the bed, having to half jump on it to reach the thief's hair, rubbing his fingers through it.  
"Here. This is what you wanted, right? So shut up and go to sleep." He rubs the teen's head for a couple more seconds, before he glances down to see his face; and his expression clouds. Asleep.  
"Tch." he mutters, glancing behind him at the closed door, trying hard to listen out for the Professor's or Haibara's footsteps. Once he'd discerned that there was no danger of such an embarrassing action of his being caught, he jumps up on the bed, staying by the thief's head as he sleeps. Just in case.

* * *

This story is a re-upload (and edit) of the late littleteacupcielphantomhive's fic, which she also uploaded to her writing tumblr, the-teacup-archives. She loved Detective Conan and watched all the way up to episode 240 or so, and this is her contribution to our strange little fandom. (As she put it, our fandom only has 'six people and a shoelace'… xD)

She would have wanted others to enjoy her fic (which she had a huge amount of fun writing) so I figured she wouldn't mind it ending up on . She also wrote another fic about Shinichi enjoying his books a /little/ too much, but it's very M rated so be warned! You can find it on her writing tumblr.

Anyways, thank you for reading! Dani would be happy to know people are still enjoying her writing.


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